Introduction

Life has, in a way, always been unkind to me. It sounds selfish, seeming how I have family, friends, money, a house, a job and all of those good-life necessities, but I've always hated myself. Everyday I think of ways to end my life and finally be happy. Happy, what a lie.
Despite being depressed and having anxiety, my biggest "thing" is weight. I've always been the fat girl. It's not even my fault - my mom worked late so we always had fast food for dinner, my babysitter always took me to second dinners at late late night, and having no friends meant making my own through food. I didn't realize I was fat until about 7th grade, when I started junior high. My parents and my siblings were big too so I never felt left out until junior high.
I made friends and had the time of my life despite that. 7th grade was probably the best year of my life. But then drama + friends leaving + feeling not good enough + depression = not very good. My group of friends split up leaving me with one best friend but somehow we are still growing apart every day and it kills me.
So I began to crave attention - any sort of attention. My biggest source has omegle. It made me feel good and beautiful when guys said all of these wonderful things. But in the end they only wanted one thing - sex\boobs\clueless teenage girls. I never fell for it - I'm not that naive.
But compliments and company turned into insults and enemies. Every time I go on there now people get meaner and meaner. I used to be called "Beautiful, pretty, cute, dear, lovely, sweet" but now I'm called "Faggot, fat fuck, bitch, ugly, flat-chested, squinty-eyed, emo". Summer of 2012 is when...things got bad. Everything lead me to believe that I'm not good enough and that it's my appearance - my weight.
I've tried diet and exercise but it never fucking works and I'm sick of it.
I just want to be beautiful.
So here I am with my new lovely friend, Ana.
Hopefully she makes me beautiful.
Maybe then people will love me.