Diary Entry #3

Dear Ana,

I did bad eating wise today. I had some eggs and went biking for a while (which probably burned off all of the eggs) but then I came home and my parents decided that we should all go out to eat. My God, it was disgusting, sitting in that restaurant and pretending to be interested in the food. My parents order fried pretzels with fatty cheese as an appetizer and I about threw up. They began questioning why I didn't want any of the pretzels. I panicked and said I felt sick from the bike ride because I rode in the heat, vigorously, without water. They believed me but just to play it safe I ate about 1/4 of my meal I ordered.

All in all, I probably ate about 800 calories today. Tomorrow I'm walking about 2 miles to my cousins house to make a video (she wants to be a director when she grows up and guess who gets to be her actress?) I'll be careful this time and drink plenty of water so I won't binge on animal crackers like I did tonight.

Also, my mom said she's going to pick up my refill of my anti-depressants tomorrow. She's been giving me some of hers but I hide them in my jewelry box and say I take them. I know, I know, they're supposed to make me better! But I feel so fucking crazy when I take them and if I do, I'm afraid you'll go away Ana. You're going to make me better...you're going to make boys love me.

Speaking of boys I found this really amazing one on Tumblr. His name is Jake and he's completely gorgeous!  He has the prettiest eyes and does the cutest faces. My friend, Lola, likes him because he smokes (go figure that's the only reason why she likes him). He likes the same bands as me and he's just so AH! However, he has crushes on other beautiful, awesome people and he can't necessarily date. I'm trying to get over him because I know it'll never happen but damn.

I feel as though I always end up falling in love with guys and letting them go. It's the best for them though...who would want me as their girlfriend? I'm fat, have the ugliest feet, the most horrific laugh and don't forget my face. I'm too bashful and quiet as well. God, I'm such a failure.

Until Later,
Holly :/